Wherein Bry has no choice but to post.

Today was a very long day. It seems like all the days are long this month. At work a regular customer asked me if I was okay.

"You normally seem so cheerful and smiley and happy. Are you okay today? Is something wrong?"

And I realized that a complete and total stranger is concerned for my welfare. Which was very sweet of her. I feel like a daily empathy or connection is missing in my life as of late. It just serves as a reminder of how much I miss RF who can sense my tone in a text message.

Luckily, I wasn't actually in a bad or sad mood at work. I was a bit harried. We were so freaking busy. And I was tired since I got up at 4am to make sure I got to work because of the weather. Apparently the weather caused schools to close for the day (snow day? what snow?) and that meant they all had to go to the mall. The mall that is an outdoor mall that necessitated standing around in the cold. But what do I know?

But later I had a better conversation that made me laugh and made my day and kind of scares the junk out of me.

ME: Uh, hello?

CJ: Hey.What are you doing?

ME: Commuting home.

CJ: Do you want to come over? I want to show you something.

ME: Um. I don't think I should. I will literally fall asleep the second I sit down.

CJ: Does this mean you will fall asleep on the bus?

ME: Yes, But I do that daily. What did you want to show me?

CJ: Well it is funnier if you come over.

ME: Is it something dirty? Is it porn?

CJ: Haha. No.

ME: Did you get a makeover?

CJ: Haha. No. Wait. Are you saying I need one?

ME: Um. No.

CJ: I have a question for you.

ME: Oh great. This always ends well.

CJ: Don't be scared. It is kind of funny. So remember the other night how S knew you from Facebook?

ME: Yes. Speaking of which, that girl is a freakshow.

CJ: Haha. Well MD sent me a link today that he forwarded from S and imagine my surprise to click on it and learn that it is your blog.

ME: Shut the fuck up. Are you serious?

CJ: Oh yes I am.

ME: Oh.

(several, perhaps 30, seconds later)

ME: So. What did you think?

CJ: Well....funny you should ask. I'm going to assume I am CJ.

ME: A fair assumption.

CJ: Well first, I have to say I didn't get much work done because I was laughing for most of the day. I've been reading and am back several months.

ME: Oh great.

CJ: Whey didn't you ever tell me you blog?

ME: Well I figured if you Googled me, and found it, it was your own fault. Otherwise, I could just pretend I don't ramble on on the internets.

CJ: You know, I think I read that in your blog.

ME: Haha. You have a good memory.

CJ: Well I did just read it.

ME: Well are you upset?

CJ: About what?

ME: Well I was fairly frank about some things about you.

CJ: Yeah, but I know about all that. They were not secrets. I'm fully aware I'm a nerd.

ME: Ohhhhh....you know I don't think you are a nerd.

CJ: Yes you do and that is okay.

ME: C! Yikes. I'm sorry.

CJ: Seriously, you have nothing to apologize for. I know you like me mostly because I am a nerd.

ME: Like is kind of strong.

CJ: What!

ME: Haha. I'm kidding. Well I guess the blog is out of the internets.

CJ: Well it was only a matter of time. Eventually I would have started Googling you to find out if you were a murderer. Speaking of which. I did Google you. After I got your blog link.

ME: And what did you find out?

CJ: For starters, how did I not know your first name is Bryanne?

ME: Oh. I don't know. I'm sure I told you. You know my middle name.

CJ: Yeah, but I never knew your real first name.

ME: Well I'm only called Bryanne when I'm in trouble.

CJ: Well I like it. I'm going to call you Bryanne from now on.

ME: Oh great. My parents don't even call me Bryanne.

CJ: Consider it your punishment.

ME: So we are even.

CJ: Not by a long shot. Run and hide.

ME: What?

CJ Run and hide.

ME: Did you just quote Ocean's 11?

CJ: Well I have to go. I still have two hours of work left.

ME: And I have a nap to take on the bus.

CJ: By the way, you should probably not blog about this, especially since MD and S probably started reading it.

ME: I make no promises. I will not be censored!

Wherein Bry is ready, ready, ready to move in to her new apartment.

I've been a bit MIA lately and there are various reasons for it. One, I am, like always, struggling to make it through November in one emotional piece. I'm not sure what it is about November, but I always have a horrible month. Just super unhappy with everything.

But mostly I am MIA because I'm hoboing it up this month.

I've been waiting for various apartment to be completed. Apparently all of the affordable apartments in this city are rented to people who do not take good care of their apartments and do not know how to move out correctly. Which would explain why there are no affordable apartments to people of small means in a decent neighborhood.

This last apartment that I will.......YAYA......get the keys to Monday........is a two bedroom, has a fire place, is on the major bus lines and in a good pocket of SE Portland, on SE Clinton between SE Hawthorne and SE Division. Which means nothing to you if you are not from Portland but means a lot to me as I can walk to Powell's, get coffee in several different directions, and most importantly, have a bus ride home post 12am.

YAYA.

In the mean time, I've been staying with MK, IK, and AM in NoPo. I'm pretty sure they are about ready to throw me out on my ass.

But as I said, I get to move in next week and I'm very excited. The last time I lived alone was in 2005. We shall see how this goes. Hopefully I can afford it but I may have to resort to getting a roommate.

"Pre-maturely old spinster seeks quiet roommate that doesn't make a mess or noise and preferably does not talk. I like Snuggies, pie, coffee, reading and sleeping. You must have a boyfriend or girlfriend and sleep over at their house 5-7 days a week. Prefer if your interests include constantly playing the quiet game, obsessive cleaning, and paying for cable all on your own. I am okay with pets as long as the pet loves me best and you pay all the animal bills. In exchange, I promise to charge you half the rent and utilities."

Know anyone looking for a roommate?

Wherein you should probably stop reading right now.

I feel like I have 1000 secrets that all might burst out of me at once. But really I have none. Nothing is a secret, just private.

I just woke up, at 4am, and stared at the ceiling for about an hour. I have two days of conversations with CJ running through my head. Tonight, at midnight (that's right, four hours of sleep), when I got back to my little couch oasis, I was a bit perturbed and it is just late (or is it early?) enough and I had just enough glasses of wine (two point five) to get up in the middle of the night to post a junky rant on my junky blog.

And it is not even a rant. There are two things I do when I am stressed, 1. Make everything into a list and 2. Turn every sentence into a song lyric.

So here goes.

1. This is my least favorite time of year. We are past fall. Fall is September, October, the first part of November before Thanksgiving. We are no longer in the fall.
2. I am tired of being a hobo.
3. I am not a control freak.
4. I miss my mom and I miss RF and I am tired of missing people.
5. I'm not ready to make nice.


And that is all I got. Mostly because I'm pretty sure there is someone staring at me through this window. Or maybe that is just my reflection. I can't really tell.

After work tonight, as I was walking to the bus stop in the dark, I was trying to imagine the number of home robberies that occur when the intruder knows the family is most likely home. Then I mentally removed the incidents of which the intruder is on some sort of drugs or alcohol. Then I mentally removed the incidents of which the intruder is probably a fucking nut job.

Then I decided I was probably pretty safe living alone.

Or that I could always get an attack cat. If I could get a fatty like Buttons, I would do it tomorrow. But cats, like men, are deceiving. You might think they are fat and cuddly but then they tear your face off.

Le sigh.

Dark and twisty. I'm going back to bed. This blog proves two things: 1) never blog in the middle of the night when you feel sad and can't sleep, and 2) I take the morning train / I work from 10 to 7 and then / I take another home to find Snuggie waiting for me.

Wherein Bry hates more stuff.

More things that I hate.


Peppermint
White Chocolate
"No offense, but..."
Animals in clothes
Bus fare
Jumping jacks
Underwire
Fox News
Pants with no butt pockets
Riddles
Story Problems
Physics
Almonds
"This is America and in America..."

Wherein Bry takes the train now.

Last night I was walking from the max stop to AM's, it was about 8:30pm. A man approached me.

I saw this man get off the max at the same time, and I also noticed he had been staring at me on the train. I was waiting at the crosswalk when he came up next to me.

He was a tiny little nub, kinda drunk and weighed down by two heavy coats.

"Hello lovely."

"Uh. Hi."

"What's your name?"

"Sarah."

"I'm Peter." Peter tries to shake my hand, I pretend I'm looking at traffic.

"You work today?"

I nod.

"You have a man."

I nod.

"How long you've been with your boyfriend?"

"I'm married."

"How long?"

"10 years."

"You have babies?"

I nod.

Then the crosswalk signals to walk.

I scurry away. Peter follows.

"It was nice to meet you."

Then Peter tries to hug me. He leans in and puts his arms around me. I keep walking.

Turns out that the walking rejection hug is the most awkward hug ever. Too bad I wasted it on a crazy stranger.

My favorite part of this story is that I felt that a pretend husband and children was going to somehow protect me. The entire time, I had my hand in my bag, adjusting my grip on my knitting needle.

My max dismounts need some work. Today I got off the train with my fly unzipped.

"Hey. XYZ," a girl called.

Yikes.