Wherein Bry Makes It Obvious She Has Problems

Actual Conversation with a Friend.

Friend: That guy thinks you are cute.
Me: He does not.
Friend: He is giving you the eye.
Me: The stink eye?
Friend: NO! When you reached for your coffee, he smiled at you with intent.
Me: What? You are making shit up. He's probably high as a fucking kite.
Friend: I swear to God.
Me: Well it wouldn't matter anyways.
Friend: Why?
Me: Guys are douche bags.
Friend: But you don't even know that guy. How do you knw he is a douche bag?
Me: It is a calculated guess. If he does not start out being a douche bag, he will end up like one.
Friend: You are crazy.
Me: Oh, for sure.