Wherein Bry does not operate on Hoeg time.

Hoegs take pride in being Hoegs much like a nation takes pride in its identity. Correction, Hoeg men take pride in being Hoegs to the point of a World Cup soccer riot. Hoeg women say "Eh" and shrug their shoulders.

Part of being a Hoeg is a phenomenon called "Hoeg Time" which should not be confused with Stoner Time, but is pretty much the same thing.

I do not operate on Hoeg time. In fact, Hoeg Time causes my blood to boil.

Here is a prime example of Hoeg Time.

JH texted me early on a Saturday morning to see if I wanted to float the river. MaH would hurry over and pick me up. We would get gas and pick up TH and TH's boat before getting back to meet everyone and then go float.

MaH picked me up. We get gas and buy three more tubes as we have also forced my cousins CH, PH, and RH to accompany us on this journey. We see TH at the Three Mile Store and say, Hey! we were coming to get you. He goes home and when we arrive 20 minutes later, he is out in the yard shooting the breeze with the neighbor. Then he helps his neighbor move some sprinklers. Then he pours himself a cocktail (this is what he calls the Pepsi he drinks constantly). Then he sits down and smokes. Then he spends about 10 minutes trying to decide what to bring to float (here is a hint: shorts, river shoes, maybe a hat, and get in the damn truck).

By this time, MaH (who is a new member of the family and also not on Hoeg Time) and I are exchanging What the Hell? glances.

We manage to make it out of there in just under an hour, a minor miracle.

Then we get back to JH and MaH's and discover the children messing around in the yard in dresses and not at all ready. The tubes are flat and no one is ready to go. MaH was gone for two hours and nothing got done. Then we stand around while they all smoke and drink soda.

Finally, I start being Bry the Bossy Dictator and make everyone get their shit together and we manage to leave the house almost 2 hours later.

In real person time, one might want to be on the river before 3pm so that one is not still floating the river 4 hours later when the weather is much cooler. When its not approaching dusk, and when you don't have to wait by the side of the road while someone drives back to the float start point to get the cars.

A person can accomplish a goal like this by managing their time, hurrying, and being productive.

I would like to say this is an isolated incident, but this is pretty normal for my family.

I do not like this Sam I Am. I do not like Green Eggs and Ham.

I try to be on time and when I know I can't predict my schedule, or the bus, I either make arrangements for that and/or explain this to others who may be affected.

"I get off at 7 and will meet you at 8. There is a chance I could be a few minutes late."

I've developed the ability to be ready for all kinds of environments and activities within minutes. I'm fairly flexible and do like to be spontaneous, but when there is a goal in mind, I like to "Get shit done."

I am very independent. I don't depend on anyone and have no defendants that I need to consider. There is no "Let me tell so and so the plan." I am so and so.

I like decisions.

I like plan and action.

I like completing tasks.

I like structure.

I like getting shit done.

This seems to be in direct conflict with "being a Hoeg."

I like being a Hoeg.

Go figure.