I have not been feeling very bloggy lately. Mostly because I don't feel very funny and I'm pretty sure my readers appreciate a hobo Bry more than they like a sad, mopey, bell-jar-residing Bry.

Here is a list of things that happened to me recently:

1. I stopped being an asshole.
2. I fainted at work.
3. I fell off of a ladder at work.
4. I gave up dairy. (Okay, this one started today.)
5. AA had a birthday.
6. I worked.
7. I ate.
8. I barely slept.
9. I made this list.

Well to be honest, I didn't really stop being an asshole. But the rest is about 75% true.

Question. If you don't say the thoughts out loud, does that make you less of a j-hole than if you say it out loud?

Vague-a-thon.


I'm a gonna moon walk out of here.

Thank you God. I've been so worried all week that I am going weak. I've felt fragile and emotional. Turns out it was just Flo. My body betrays me, once again.

I don't even care if that was Too Much Information. Suck it.

In actuality, I've probably been fragile and weak because certain somebodies in my life have forced me to stop being such an asshole by saying, "Hey, stop being an asshole."

Which in turn forced me to deal with man drama that I didn't want to deal with. I was hoping the good old freeze out would fix all my problems, but it turns out I couldn't get away with my usual way of doing things.

AC always says it so sweetly "You are being a careful of your heart." which is not the same as what GS says. "You are a coward."

Both accurate.

Well the good news is I'm no longer an asshole, at least not this week.



And I don't have to shave my legs this week.

Score.

Today I left work and couldn't decide if I should go home and go to bed or go out to dinner and drinks with friends. I went shoe shopping to ponder and come to a decision. That was a mistake. Shoe shopping reminds me that shoe designers just assume if you wear a size 11, you must be a man. All the heels were designed for drag queens.

Boo.

That did not put me in a better mood. I asked myself "What would Liz Lemon do?"

So I got some Chinese food and went home.

Really, I should have gotten a block of cheese. Or a sandwich. She really likes those. But I haven't had Chinese food in quite a bit.


And it was delicious.

I've been watching Bones and playing Scrabble for about two hours now. I lead a very exciting life.

I'm just trying to stay distracted while I wait around for them to make decisions at work on if people get laid off and when that might happen.

Yuck. It sucks all around. I told AC today that I have the same feeling in my gut that I used to get at debate meets. When it was time to wait for the judges to post who made finals, I had a feeling of excitement and dread. Excitement because, what if I made finals?! Dread because, what if I didn't? And dread because, if I did make finals, I had to do the final rounds, when I was really just so tired of it all.

Well it is now time for some tea and a hot bath. If only I had a cat to keep me company.

Amazing what a good night's sleep will do for you.


Absolutely amazing!

I feel a thousand times better this morning and would probably be embarrassed by the blog I wrote yesterday, but c'est la vie.

This is what I looked like when I woke up this morning:

And this is what I look like after a hot pocket, nine cups of coffee, and a session with the hot iron:

 Hot and sexy times, for sure.


I'm headed to work in a bit. It has been a bit of a downer at work this week because, to quote Kathleen Kelly, "My business is failing."

Except Kathleen Kelly owned a small independent bookstore for children and I, well I am an underling for Fox Books.

But still. Having to deal with customers who throw fits to get what they want and when I still won't back down, respond "Well it doesn't matter because you are about to lose your job anyway" is not really a fun way to spend the day.

People are assholes. Above and beyond poor management, staffing, and a failure to get ahead of the e-business, our business ain't doing so hot because people are not willing to pay full price for books and they are not willing to buy books. People are reading less. And they want their books delivered to them electronically. So a company like B&N can make a good profit for a few years off their e-readers, but it will eventually make their brick and mortar stores obsolete.

We don't have an e-reader so we are just headed that way faster.

But I am not going to worry about that today.

Because tonight is the BCS championship game which means, cross all your fingers and toes, that the store will be empty.

Of to work.

No more Bones and coffee for at least 10 hours.

Boo.

But don't I look pretty?

Today I left work in the worst mood. I put on my headphones, but all the music sucked. I wanted it to rain so I could splosh about in my boots, but the sky was annoyingly clear.

I stared straight into the moon, took a deep breath, and started walking.

All my thoughts were dark, and just as I started to rethink this post-work walk, my phone beeped.

Two texts.

I love you.

From my mom.

You are amazing.

From CJ.

I've been so unhappy this week. And lonely. It has been a crappy week both professionally and personally.

I can always count on my mom to read my mind and reach out when I need her the most.

I just want to lay down in the cold, wet, wintery grass until my entire body is numb.  Until I can be an emotional wasteland.

But instead I called my mom and talked to her about normal things. And I called CJ and laughed as he told me about discovering his grandma's secret lover.

And I walked, and I walked, and I walked.

And I knelt down to feel the grass. I ran the soaking blades through  my fingers, and I was grateful.

Wherein....................................................

Just bid adieu to the ladies. Tried to do the dishes. Didn't work out so well.

It has been an interesting day. Aside from the whole worrying about employment issue, it seems like this New Year has been full of topics I'm not interested in dealing with.

Today I went to see CJ before he headed off to deal with his grandmother's death.

I myself am unprepared for the serious. But today, I not only admirably dealt with being properly supportive in such a situation (easy as, above all else, I am a good friend), but also a "meet the parents" situation.

Luckily, CJ wasn't too specific on exactly who I am, though his mom figured it out as she said "Thank you for caring about C enough to watch the lizards, and...you know."


Ugh. This echos a recent conversation CJ and I had in which I admitted that I am not capable of being the perfect GF type person because I'm not exactly sure how that is supposed to work. Aside from which, I need some distance. It is hard to lead the life of a Snuggie wearing, burrito eating, Bones watching, rainy walking, crazy town, when you are also supposed to be a half way decent GF.

Admit it. You love me best when I am my most abnormal.