I don't care what you did last summer and I know spending the night in an abandoned cabin is a bad idea.
I do not want to watch Saw.
I could care less about Paranormal Activity.
Scary movies and stories give me sleepless nights and eat up my thoughts until I can focus on nothing but the ideas that A MAN WITH NO FACE IS LIVING IN MY CRAWL SPACE.
My fear of scary things reaches as far back as my memory and I'm not sure the source.
Perhaps due to watching Silence of the Lambs and being scared witless by my brothers immediately after.
Or watching Candyman alone at age 12.
The idea of aliens has always scared me. They are gross and ugly and do mean things. The idea of being murdered on an abandoned road in the middle of nowhere in the dead of night seems too realistic.
Why subject myself to this for entertainment?
I get it. I'm a baby. But I've managed to avoid the scary and not make it a big deal.
And then I heard about this movie.
And I'm pretty sure I will never sleep again.
A crazed person sews human beings together, mouth to anus, to form a centipede.
I heard the plot, I saw no pictures, I knew no further details.
And now I can think of nothing else.
I can't sleep. I certainly can't eat. And I'm pretty sure this will haunt my nightmares forever.
Please prepare the straight jacket, I may need to be committed.
The only solution is to watch nine hours of continuous Jane Austen adaptations and hope I develop Alzheimer's.
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