All is Quiet on the Western Montana Front

I've been in Montana for more than a week. This is my longest visit since I graduated college and most definitely my longest winter visit since 2003.  While in Montana, I don't spend time with a lot of people outside of my family. All of my friends from high school have moved away and everyone else has faded in memory. My social opportunities are pretty limited.

Here is how I've been keeping busy.

Feeding the chickens and collecting their eggs.

Last night, as I was struggling to put the chicken's water pan back together, Mondo and Bip ran off in the dark and started barking. Very vicious vociferation. They were standing under a tree barking up at a ghost coon. Obviously Mondo and Bip have never read Where the Red Fern Grows or they would not be so foolish. 

even the chicken coop got int the holiday spirit

this is a shot of the chickens through their coop window. it kind of looks like a 3-D sonogram or a georgia o'keefe painting.

 

entertaining 4-5 dogs. I have Mondo, of course, and then his parents Rosie and Buddy. Plus his brother Bip. Every now and then, brother Rocco stops by.

he's not heavy, he's my brother!

sleepy time tea

I am judging you.

Dog Party! Go Dog, GO!

renting movies, and by default, driving 8 miles to rent the movies at the Redbox in Florence. it really is a pleasant drive. i get to look for deer and drive by the river.

reading

my reading list:

Blue Nights by Joan Didion 

Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

Fly Away Home by Jennifer Weiner

sleeping

Cruising the Montana Craigslist postings. This is by far the most entertaining. Here are a few Missed Connections, my analysis of the post is in bold

Missed Connections.

I saw you at Kriso Liquor on Christmas Eve around 5:30. You were very tall, wearing a black coat. You passed me in front of the whiskey, I was helping my brother pick a bottle of bourbon. I was driving the Chevy Truck and saw you again a few minutes after we both left at the light on 3rd & Reserve. If this sounds like you, what were you driving? I think your car is sexy and exotic. let's do it. 

Hey "J", we played cards after the superbowl back in Feb 2010 at Hooters. I thought you had the most perfect lips I have ever seen. I can't put too much on here because we must be discrete, but if you see this, you will know who this is. You should email me and tell me how the evening ended.   I'm married. Let's do it.

 I have never seen a women so stunning and gorgeous. You are like a chocolate goddess. I couldn't dream of such beauty. You were in Dillard's wed night by the perfume area. Can't help but hope and wait patiently to see you again. Didn't think perfection existed but you proved me wrong. Please respond.   I've never seen a black person. You were hot. Let's do it.

To the man in the camo loading his rig at the grocery store this afternoon, I gotta say its been awhile since a man has made me stare like that! You were also staring and don't think I didn't see you checking me out! If you happen to see this, tell me what store it was and what town! Camo is sexy! Um. Camo is not sexy. And this could be half of the people you encounter at a grocery in any town in Montana. 

building fires

I feel like I build a fire at least once a day. 

A fire for warmth, not for arson. In the wood stove.

I have a modified lean-to style. Today Mom told me I am a fire guru.

watching The Nate Berkus Show  It doesn't matter when I wake up, or when i first turn on the TV, it always seems like The Nate Berkus Show is on. Which really just means I turn the TV on every day at noon because that is when the show is on. After logging 9 hours of interior design advice, I'm convinced more than ever that I really am a hobo. 

This is my To-Do list before leaving Montana:

get my brother to change my oil, Jiffy-Jim

go to The Book Exchange

get a haircut

see The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (Daniel Craig, oo-la-la)

ring in the New Year

gird your loins Portland, I'll be seeing you January 2, 2012.

(if you are interested, I recapped my blog from 2011 and you can click here to read A Year in the Life of Bry and a Blog)

A year in the life of a Bry and a Blog.

This is what happened to me this past year, at least according to my blog. I've noticed I don't actually blog about any thing of substance.

January 2011

•  It is hard to lead the life of a Snuggie wearing, burrito eating, Bones watching, rainy walking, crazy town, when you are also supposed to be a half way decent GF. 
• And I knelt down to feel the grass. I ran the soaking blades through  my fingers, and I was grateful.  
• I'm headed to work in a bit. It has been a bit of a downer at work this week because, to quote Kathleen Kelly, "My business is failing." Except Kathleen Kelly owned a small independent bookstore for children and I, well I am an underling for Fox Books.
• I asked myself "What would Liz Lemon do?" So I got some Chinese food and went home.
• AC always says it so sweetly "You are being a careful of your heart." which is not the same as what GS says. "You are a coward."
• I'm a gonna moon walk out of here.  

 February 2011

•  Today I was watching Bones. Again. You can pretty much assume I watch it every day. Let that soak in. Now shake it off. You don't want to be focusing in on what a crazer I am. Just be happy it is not Pride & Prejudice. I can't watch P&P anymore because I wore out my disc.
• The bookstore filed for bankruptcy, and even though our store is fine, it has not been easy to deal with the cranky customers and employees who chose to be so negative over the bankruptcy.
• Long, long, long time ago....in this galaxy and not far away from where I am now......these girls tried to make me watch Buffy.
  
  
  
  And I refused. Because woo-hoo shit is stupid. And I term vampires, werewolves, and other gross made-up stuff as woo-hoo shit.

March 2011

• When I was a child, I would lie a wake at night pretending, fantasizing and dreaming about random things. Like how I would be a world famous book critic. Or how I was going to be super rich and buy my mom a Jaguar. I don't know why I always thought Jaguar, probably because a Jaguar was the car she always chose when we played MASH.
  
  But my favorite thing to imagine was my death.
  

•  I feel like I've been running down the stairs, carrying a load, so I can't see well. And I know the stairs are about to end and I think its the last stair, and as I take the last stair, I realize I misjudged the distance and it was just too much. Now I am off balance. I landed hard, I can't get my bearings.  My feet want to go back and try it again, but it is too late. The distance was covered. The only thing to do is to keep going and wait for my gait to even out. But my body remembers the misstep and every other step after is off kilter. Like I've forgotten how to walk
• I want to be a balloon on a string. Floating free. I will float up, up, up, and away. And you will reach for me, but your fingers will just barely grasp my trailing ribbon, the tail slipping through your fingers. And ten years from now, I will be the balloon that got away.
• If I squeeze my eyes really, really tight, I feel the sun warm my shoulders and then I feel the shade of a thousand four-hundred year old trees bearing down like a cold blanket. And I walk up the hill. I climb, I go straight up. I skip the path, I don't smell the flowers or touch the leaves. I am Sisyphus. 
• Yesterday I pulled my pants down to go pee and a nickel fell out of my underwear. I later used that nickel to fund a cup of coffee. What? I washed it off.    

April 2011

• Am I not the funniest person you know? Is my laugh not as loud as one hundred honking geese about to take flight, their wings flapping like the beat of a bass drum.  
• If there were a way to change my Single status on Facebook to Single with a Vengeance, I would do it.
• I had my first hint of spring today when NH and I sat near the Willamette River making flower-chain crowns and talking about Buddhist funerals, while the breeze brushed our hair and I got a sunburn on my cheeks.

May 2011

• One day, they will find me, crusty and dry as a piece of jerky, wrapped in a Snuggie.
• And then I gave myself a lecture on how television is stupid, though very entertaining, but it is absolutely pathetic to take it personally, and only a crazy person would let TV become such a part of their life that they take a personal interest in the characters. And then I was fine, and I watched another new episode with interest but no inappropriate reactions.

June 2011

• What's the point in being unencumbered if you don't take advantage of the independence it provides? 
• Scary movies and stories give me sleepless nights and eat up my thoughts until I can focus on nothing but the ideas that A MAN WITH NO FACE IS LIVING IN MY CRAWL SPACE.
• I kinda like the idea of Dad being off the Interwebs grid. Mostly because it saves me from getting crazy right-winger email chains. 
•  Here is a list of things I know nothing about:
• geography
• presidents
• capitals of states and countries
• science
• space
• Animaniacs
•  A funny thing about Facebook accounts, you can't actually delete them. Just log back in and restore. Like you never left.
   KT had her 30th birthday, which was a few days of super fun times. I can't believe we are so freaking old. It is hard to believe we've been friends for 12 years!
• I'm dreaming of the open skies, fried chicken and rhubarb crisp. The river, the stars, my first 4th of July with family in 8 years, and a chance to see my dog.

July 2011

• I'm sad to report the bookstore is going out of business. I know I've never said specifically what company  I work for, but it should be no surprise to hear I've been working for Borders Books for the past 3 years. 
• I really meant this blog to be about work. But I lost my train of thought. Here are some things work related, lest you think I've stopped caring about our Going Out of Business (GOB) sale. See! We already have an acronym to cover up our pain!  
• The real kick to the pride happened when a woman came strolling through the door with a shopping cart.  
• This liquidation process is great. I'm learning new words, laughing all the time, walking around like I own the place, and I get to be bossy.
• And now I mourn for my the store. I say goodbye to the way it was. I put it to rest. I can hear the faint, echoing sound of Taps being played out on a lonely, sad trumpet.
• Almost as soon as Duncan stuck his head up her skirt, I start pulling on his leash. But he is determined and won't budge.
• Let me leave you with this bit of advice, when you think someone is having a seizure, hold their head and let them seize, but if you see me dancing, get out the way.
• If Criminal Minds has taught me nothing else, it is that successful serial killers are charming and friendly. That's how they get their prey. 
• We received seven pallets of new product, three from our company's warehouse and four from the liquidators. Of our three, barely any of the products were actual books.
• Mom: Maybe that's a horrible summer song.  
• There was actually a time when I knew a little bit about football. I used to have a bunch of football collector cards and for some reason I liked the Detroit Lions. (I really should look into who the hottest Detroit Lion player was circa 1990-1992).

September 2011

• The other night I had a dream I was in a coma for a year. It was disturbing. I woke up and downloaded an estate planning kit. I have not filled it out yet because I'm still trying to figure out how to properly word my desires for the care of my Snuggie and book collection.
• Every time I talk to my parents, they say encouraging things. They say I love you.
• In reality, I'm sort of reeling. Yesterday was the very last day of work and the second I stepped on the escalator to make my final descent, I felt a bit overwhelmed. I rubbed my hand on the escalator railing, like petting a cat, and said "Goodbye little buddy. Be good to the new people."
• Today I Googled "Unemployment" so I could find out when my first check was planning on arriving (answer? today). Naturally, I needed to check out the images associated with such a search, and obviously, they are depressing. 

October 2011

• It's the camshaft sensor. $400 for the parts and labor and a computer reset. Sounds made up, right? It's not. 
• I'm not the only inept person out there driving around with a car that smells of craft projects gone bad. And there was a simple answer. I ran over a plastic bag.
• My Sick List is a little more eclectic.
  
  
  
  And I would make out with every single one of them. 
  

November 2011

• I have a new puppy. His name is Mondo Fattington Hoegenheimer and he is doing his best to pee or chew on everything. 
  
• Confession: Last week I ate a hamburger from the new food cart across the street. It was a stuffed bleu cheese burger and when I took a bite, the cheese exploded in my face and hair. I had to take a shower to get it out, but my hair still smelled like burger the rest of the day.  

December 2011

•  Does anyone want a puppy? A brownish-red, small, mixed breed little terror? His brief interludes of adorableness are interspersed with spikes of general jack-assery and lots of chewing. Lots and lots of chewing.
• I don't have health insurance, I don't have home insurance, I don't have insurance for my dog. But I do pay $5 a month to insure a cell phone. My priorities might be out of wack.
• If you had told me this summer, after I set that goal, that I would spend my Christmas vacation trying to keep my dog from eating chicken shit, then I would have probably just GOTTEN a job.