A year in the life of a Bry and a Blog.

This is what happened to me this past year, at least according to my blog. I've noticed I don't actually blog about any thing of substance.

January 2011

•  It is hard to lead the life of a Snuggie wearing, burrito eating, Bones watching, rainy walking, crazy town, when you are also supposed to be a half way decent GF. 
• And I knelt down to feel the grass. I ran the soaking blades through  my fingers, and I was grateful.  
• I'm headed to work in a bit. It has been a bit of a downer at work this week because, to quote Kathleen Kelly, "My business is failing." Except Kathleen Kelly owned a small independent bookstore for children and I, well I am an underling for Fox Books.
• I asked myself "What would Liz Lemon do?" So I got some Chinese food and went home.
• AC always says it so sweetly "You are being a careful of your heart." which is not the same as what GS says. "You are a coward."
• I'm a gonna moon walk out of here.  

 February 2011

•  Today I was watching Bones. Again. You can pretty much assume I watch it every day. Let that soak in. Now shake it off. You don't want to be focusing in on what a crazer I am. Just be happy it is not Pride & Prejudice. I can't watch P&P anymore because I wore out my disc.
• The bookstore filed for bankruptcy, and even though our store is fine, it has not been easy to deal with the cranky customers and employees who chose to be so negative over the bankruptcy.
• Long, long, long time ago....in this galaxy and not far away from where I am now......these girls tried to make me watch Buffy.
  
  
  
  And I refused. Because woo-hoo shit is stupid. And I term vampires, werewolves, and other gross made-up stuff as woo-hoo shit.

March 2011

• When I was a child, I would lie a wake at night pretending, fantasizing and dreaming about random things. Like how I would be a world famous book critic. Or how I was going to be super rich and buy my mom a Jaguar. I don't know why I always thought Jaguar, probably because a Jaguar was the car she always chose when we played MASH.
  
  But my favorite thing to imagine was my death.
  

•  I feel like I've been running down the stairs, carrying a load, so I can't see well. And I know the stairs are about to end and I think its the last stair, and as I take the last stair, I realize I misjudged the distance and it was just too much. Now I am off balance. I landed hard, I can't get my bearings.  My feet want to go back and try it again, but it is too late. The distance was covered. The only thing to do is to keep going and wait for my gait to even out. But my body remembers the misstep and every other step after is off kilter. Like I've forgotten how to walk
• I want to be a balloon on a string. Floating free. I will float up, up, up, and away. And you will reach for me, but your fingers will just barely grasp my trailing ribbon, the tail slipping through your fingers. And ten years from now, I will be the balloon that got away.
• If I squeeze my eyes really, really tight, I feel the sun warm my shoulders and then I feel the shade of a thousand four-hundred year old trees bearing down like a cold blanket. And I walk up the hill. I climb, I go straight up. I skip the path, I don't smell the flowers or touch the leaves. I am Sisyphus. 
• Yesterday I pulled my pants down to go pee and a nickel fell out of my underwear. I later used that nickel to fund a cup of coffee. What? I washed it off.    

April 2011

• Am I not the funniest person you know? Is my laugh not as loud as one hundred honking geese about to take flight, their wings flapping like the beat of a bass drum.  
• If there were a way to change my Single status on Facebook to Single with a Vengeance, I would do it.
• I had my first hint of spring today when NH and I sat near the Willamette River making flower-chain crowns and talking about Buddhist funerals, while the breeze brushed our hair and I got a sunburn on my cheeks.

May 2011

• One day, they will find me, crusty and dry as a piece of jerky, wrapped in a Snuggie.
• And then I gave myself a lecture on how television is stupid, though very entertaining, but it is absolutely pathetic to take it personally, and only a crazy person would let TV become such a part of their life that they take a personal interest in the characters. And then I was fine, and I watched another new episode with interest but no inappropriate reactions.

June 2011

• What's the point in being unencumbered if you don't take advantage of the independence it provides? 
• Scary movies and stories give me sleepless nights and eat up my thoughts until I can focus on nothing but the ideas that A MAN WITH NO FACE IS LIVING IN MY CRAWL SPACE.
• I kinda like the idea of Dad being off the Interwebs grid. Mostly because it saves me from getting crazy right-winger email chains. 
•  Here is a list of things I know nothing about:
• geography
• presidents
• capitals of states and countries
• science
• space
• Animaniacs
•  A funny thing about Facebook accounts, you can't actually delete them. Just log back in and restore. Like you never left.
   KT had her 30th birthday, which was a few days of super fun times. I can't believe we are so freaking old. It is hard to believe we've been friends for 12 years!
• I'm dreaming of the open skies, fried chicken and rhubarb crisp. The river, the stars, my first 4th of July with family in 8 years, and a chance to see my dog.

July 2011

• I'm sad to report the bookstore is going out of business. I know I've never said specifically what company  I work for, but it should be no surprise to hear I've been working for Borders Books for the past 3 years. 
• I really meant this blog to be about work. But I lost my train of thought. Here are some things work related, lest you think I've stopped caring about our Going Out of Business (GOB) sale. See! We already have an acronym to cover up our pain!  
• The real kick to the pride happened when a woman came strolling through the door with a shopping cart.  
• This liquidation process is great. I'm learning new words, laughing all the time, walking around like I own the place, and I get to be bossy.
• And now I mourn for my the store. I say goodbye to the way it was. I put it to rest. I can hear the faint, echoing sound of Taps being played out on a lonely, sad trumpet.
• Almost as soon as Duncan stuck his head up her skirt, I start pulling on his leash. But he is determined and won't budge.
• Let me leave you with this bit of advice, when you think someone is having a seizure, hold their head and let them seize, but if you see me dancing, get out the way.
• If Criminal Minds has taught me nothing else, it is that successful serial killers are charming and friendly. That's how they get their prey. 
• We received seven pallets of new product, three from our company's warehouse and four from the liquidators. Of our three, barely any of the products were actual books.
• Mom: Maybe that's a horrible summer song.  
• There was actually a time when I knew a little bit about football. I used to have a bunch of football collector cards and for some reason I liked the Detroit Lions. (I really should look into who the hottest Detroit Lion player was circa 1990-1992).

September 2011

• The other night I had a dream I was in a coma for a year. It was disturbing. I woke up and downloaded an estate planning kit. I have not filled it out yet because I'm still trying to figure out how to properly word my desires for the care of my Snuggie and book collection.
• Every time I talk to my parents, they say encouraging things. They say I love you.
• In reality, I'm sort of reeling. Yesterday was the very last day of work and the second I stepped on the escalator to make my final descent, I felt a bit overwhelmed. I rubbed my hand on the escalator railing, like petting a cat, and said "Goodbye little buddy. Be good to the new people."
• Today I Googled "Unemployment" so I could find out when my first check was planning on arriving (answer? today). Naturally, I needed to check out the images associated with such a search, and obviously, they are depressing. 

October 2011

• It's the camshaft sensor. $400 for the parts and labor and a computer reset. Sounds made up, right? It's not. 
• I'm not the only inept person out there driving around with a car that smells of craft projects gone bad. And there was a simple answer. I ran over a plastic bag.
• My Sick List is a little more eclectic.
  
  
  
  And I would make out with every single one of them. 
  

November 2011

• I have a new puppy. His name is Mondo Fattington Hoegenheimer and he is doing his best to pee or chew on everything. 
  
• Confession: Last week I ate a hamburger from the new food cart across the street. It was a stuffed bleu cheese burger and when I took a bite, the cheese exploded in my face and hair. I had to take a shower to get it out, but my hair still smelled like burger the rest of the day.  

December 2011

•  Does anyone want a puppy? A brownish-red, small, mixed breed little terror? His brief interludes of adorableness are interspersed with spikes of general jack-assery and lots of chewing. Lots and lots of chewing.
• I don't have health insurance, I don't have home insurance, I don't have insurance for my dog. But I do pay $5 a month to insure a cell phone. My priorities might be out of wack.
• If you had told me this summer, after I set that goal, that I would spend my Christmas vacation trying to keep my dog from eating chicken shit, then I would have probably just GOTTEN a job.