Last week it took me an hour to comb out a rat's nest near the base of my skull. The result of a week of not brushing my hair, the knot had reached the point where it bothered me to lay my head on the pillow. I was seriously tempted to just cut out the wad. I rationalized this laziness by assuring myself no one would notice a chunk of hair missing from the back of my skull.
But then I realized the sense of accomplishment I would feel at untangling my shame-ball far outweighed the convenience of a few well placed snips.
That was the moment I realized I needed to make some life changes.
Since returning from my holiday travels, I've done two important things: watch IK and care for Mondo.
Sure, there were a few outings with friends randomly spaced through out the last 16 days, but as far as measurable accomplishments, there are none.
Not unless I can win some sort of reward for marathon TV watching. I watched 7 seasons of How I Met Your Mother in the past two week. The shame I feel at admitting this is akin to the shame seen on Mondo's face when he realizes that I've noticed he chewed up three paint brushes and some charcoals.
Can one be complimented on the height of a stack of dirty dishes or the sheer volume of seven loads of dirty laundry? Number of naps in one day?
I'm shooting for a gold medal in the Lazy Hobo Olympics.
I don't mind not working, that part is okay enough. However, I do wish JG were there every day to tell me how awesome I am or to compliment me on my book displays. I wonder how much I would have to pay my former bosses to text me every day and tell me I am kind, I am smart, I am important.
Oh my dear Lord, God in Heaven.
Stick with me for a minute.
As I was typing this pity party of a blog, I realized there is something I've done recently that I can show you a video of as proof I have not been laying on the couch for every minute.
Here are twenty seconds of Mondo doing the three tricks he knows.
Stick with me for a minute.
As I was typing this pity party of a blog, I realized there is something I've done recently that I can show you a video of as proof I have not been laying on the couch for every minute.
Here are twenty seconds of Mondo doing the three tricks he knows.
As I was figuring out how to upload this video to the Youtubes, I realized I've uploaded videos before. And I found the real rock bottom and It. Is. Not. Pretty.
Before I continue, I implore you not to watch this second video I am about to post.
A little backstory (I told you to stick with me. These cutaways to a new topic are a result of all the How I Met Your Mother I recently watched).
A few years ago I got this idea that I was going to move to California. I packed up all my stuff and went. Once there, I realized it was probably a mistake. Even though I had a full-time job, I was working from home, which allowed me to spiral down into a pit of despair and depression.
My only friends were my brother MY and a cat named Angel (not to be confused with the alley-cat-like human roommate I have now). Angel was not my cat, he belonged to my stepsister and her daughter, but he lived with MY because TL and AS had moved to Escondido. Angel the cat was named after David Boreanaz from his vampire show. How fitting, right?
For some reason, I called this cat Chi Chi Rodriguez. Who knows where I came up with this name.
As I was navigating Youtube to upload my spinster-proud-of-her-dog video, I found a video I made of Chi Chi Rodriquez. A video in which the cat is sitting in my office chair and I am spinning him around and around and giggling like a loon.
The video is Four. Minutes. Long.
Here it is, if you have four minutes to waste. If you do watch it, I want you to feel the appropriate level of sadness at the crazy person I had become.
I suddenly feel a surge of energy to get up and wash clothes, do dishes, and find a job. Pity party has ended, time to pick up the debris.
I'm closer to being a normal human than I am to making four minute cat videos, that is the silver lining.
Ugh. I feel so disgusted with myself, suddenly.
I'm off to be more productive. To take the negative taste out of your mouth, here is my third and final Youtube video, filmed years ago.
My nieces and nephew hunting for Bigfoot.
Before I continue, I implore you not to watch this second video I am about to post.
A little backstory (I told you to stick with me. These cutaways to a new topic are a result of all the How I Met Your Mother I recently watched).
A few years ago I got this idea that I was going to move to California. I packed up all my stuff and went. Once there, I realized it was probably a mistake. Even though I had a full-time job, I was working from home, which allowed me to spiral down into a pit of despair and depression.
My only friends were my brother MY and a cat named Angel (not to be confused with the alley-cat-like human roommate I have now). Angel was not my cat, he belonged to my stepsister and her daughter, but he lived with MY because TL and AS had moved to Escondido. Angel the cat was named after David Boreanaz from his vampire show. How fitting, right?
For some reason, I called this cat Chi Chi Rodriguez. Who knows where I came up with this name.
As I was navigating Youtube to upload my spinster-proud-of-her-dog video, I found a video I made of Chi Chi Rodriquez. A video in which the cat is sitting in my office chair and I am spinning him around and around and giggling like a loon.
The video is Four. Minutes. Long.
Here it is, if you have four minutes to waste. If you do watch it, I want you to feel the appropriate level of sadness at the crazy person I had become.
I suddenly feel a surge of energy to get up and wash clothes, do dishes, and find a job. Pity party has ended, time to pick up the debris.
I'm closer to being a normal human than I am to making four minute cat videos, that is the silver lining.
Ugh. I feel so disgusted with myself, suddenly.
I'm off to be more productive. To take the negative taste out of your mouth, here is my third and final Youtube video, filmed years ago.
My nieces and nephew hunting for Bigfoot.
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