Regrets, schmagrets. And all that jazz.

They say don't make any big decisions after eating breakfast.

Okay, only I say that, and it is pretty true. You have a window of clarity between waking up and eating breakfast and then after that the day can go all to hell.

Which is why, after eating some hard-poached eggs and toast, I did something I will probably regret for the next six months.


Here is a photographic hint.

Remember how I always tell that one story about cutting my bangs to look like Janeane Garofalo's in Reality Bites?  Or about watching Kill Bill in the middle of the night and then cutting my bangs to look like Uma's?  No? Well those two things happened.

And then this morning, after finishing my poached eggs, I got up from the table and I walked with purpose into the bathroom and lopped off three inches. I can't explain the steps I made in between  eating and the bathroom. I kind of feel like Lorena Bobbitt, suddenly there was a chunk of hair in my hands.

I said a bangs, bangs, bangity bangs, a bangs, bangs, bangity bangs!

Now here is the real question. What should I do with my hair? I kept it in a sandwich bag.

How weird would it be to use it in a craft project?

Should I:

1. use my bangs in an art project?
2. throw them away?
3. mail them to an ex-boyfriend with a note saying "You're next."

Is there a non-profit group dedicated to the re-hairing of Barbie dolls? Perhaps you have a bald Barbie and would like my chunk of hair so you can make a wig.

Speaking of health and beauty, I got a mani/pedi today and the aesthetician kept showing me the skin she scraped from my feet and the cuticles she cut from my fingers.

Thanks lady, for making me make me feel worse about my manly size 11 feet. And when she gave me a massage, which consisted of beating my legs with her fists, she stopped and said "Strong legs? Very Strong." Then she mimed walking by moving her outstretched palms up and down. Like a horse. I'm surprised she didn't offer to shoe me.

But my hooves do feel silky smooth and look mighty fine.

New bangs and fancy phalanges. What will I think of next?