As far as blogging goes, I try not to write anything unflattering about the people in my life. It is not fair to fillet someone in a semi-public setting where your words can be taken out of context, viewed as one-sided, or simply indefensible. Aside from some pretty hilarious text messages and the occasional full reveal of drunken revelry, I like to keep my friends on my side and not alienate them with a blog addressing the ways in which they have wronged me, embarrassed themselves, or just really fucked up (or been fucked over).
The use of initials provides an illusion of anonymity but the relative smallness of my intimate circle makes it easy to crack the code.
I've gone on a few dates recently and I've decided not to write about it here. First, I am no Carrie Bradshaw. Second, nothing exciting has happened thus far, but I feel like I value my long term privacy over my short term need for amusement. For these reasons and more, I will probably only mention the dates in context of my continued decline into spinsterhood or as an attempt to be honest and truthful about my continuing project of real maturity.
I fell like I can be fairly honest about my positive and negative attributes. I know I am not pretty, I'm not skinny, I don't have a particularly wonderful personality. But I am nice. I am smart and I am funny. I feel like these things have gotten me pretty far in life.
When I feel like these attributes are overlooked, I start to wonder if I am wasting my time and inevitably seek the easiest way out, the quickest excuse to show myself to the door.
Last night I decided that the person I was sitting across from was probably making some adjustments of their own in their attitudes towards dating and how I fit into their ideal (or not) and whether I am worth the adjustments necessary.
To know me is to appreciate me. But to get to know me takes a lot patience. And alcohol. I'm probably best dealt with under the influence. I can either enhance the high or sober you up.
Aside from all of this, dating is hard and if I can't even work up the energy to make a delicious salad, how am I supposed to work up the energy to put some effort into being normal enough to go on a date.
I can't imagine getting to know you sober, but now that I have gotten over the hurdle it was definitely worth it, as are you.
ReplyDeleteDating isn't easy...but it is easy to say "fuck it, I am going home to diddle myself while watching a Jane Austen film". Once you find the one it isn't work any more. You don't think about what you should say, you just say it and he (or she????) Laughs and is slghtly mad because they were 1.2 seconds from saying the same thing.