Last night GZ picked me up from work for a lady date.
Side note: Lady Dates are dates with friends, ladies or gays. Man Dates are actual date dates with actual men in an understanding that it is a D.A.T.E. Just to clarify. I don't want you to think I'm just whoring it up. I mean, I don't get paid for these dates either way, so technically I'm not a whore. But the multitude of lady dates I go on might have confused you. Also, there is no name for the times I hang out with straight men when I am not on a D.A.T.E. because 1) I don't hang out with straight men I'm not related to or dating, and 2) Men are gross. Thus the multitude of Lady Dates.
Okay, end of side note. Have I managed to offend you yet?
So GZ picked me up at 9 last night.
Oh, second side note. GZ's initials are not actually GZ. GZ is her nickname that I started calling her because 1) she calls me Breezi and 2) Her first nickname was G-Unit and I was really afraid people were going to think I fell in with a crowd of famous rap artists and that is just not the case.
So after work, GZ and I went on a lady date. She picked me up and we decided to get some frozen yogurt before going on a walk.
Third Side note, I've been asked frequently how I can walk so often for pleasure when walking is really a large part of my daily commute, and the answer is threefold. 1) It helps me relax. 2) When I walk for commuting, I'm on a mission and usually trying not to get mowed over by bicyclists, cars, and buses. When I walk for fun, I get to look at things and smell flowers and pet cats. 3) I think I have some pretty hot leg muscles for all this walking and it makes me feel stronger which means I can kick people in the baby-maker if they piss me off.
So, we got down to the river in Lake Oswego and it was getting quite dark.
"GZ, did you bring me out here to murder me?"
To be fair, this is a question I ask of many people anytime I have no idea where we are.
"I just want to tell you that I have poor eyesight, so please don't murder me or leave me in the woods. If I wander off the trail, I will sit down and sing a song until you find me. I've seen a lot of Lifetime Movie's of the Week and I know better than to wander around."
GZ promised not to murder me and even offered to get me a whistle in case I get lost. This is a sign of a true friend. She didn't even mention how old I am which is also a sign of a true friend.
Side Note! My poor eyesight is not related to being old. I've had poor eyesight for probably 29 and 3/4 years, but most definitely had documented poor eyesight for the 24 years I've been wearing glasses.
So we ate some fro-yo and walked by the river. For almost three hours.
And I did not get murdered, despite how dark it was.
There was also some skipping, which I am great at and GZ is just okay at.
My favorite not-so-favorite part of the evening came when it was time to walk back to the truck and it was 11pm and we had no flashlight and we were walking down a dark road. This is how people get murdered in movies.
Side Note! I don't like scary movies. I'm incapable of watching them without 1) ending up in the lap of my viewing partner, 2) having nightmares and 3) becoming convinced that whatever happened in the movie is about to happen to me.
The entire walk back to the truck was spent turning and looking over my shoulder and pushing GZ in front of me as a human shield. I also had to hold on to her jacket as a lead rope as I could not see a damn thing.
It was awesome and I can't wait to do it again.
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