When I was a child, I would lie a wake at night pretending, fantasizing and dreaming about random things. Like how I would be a world famous book critic. Or how I was going to be super rich and buy my mom a Jaguar. I don't know why I always thought Jaguar, probably because a Jaguar was the car she always chose when we played MASH.
But my favorite thing to imagine was my death.
This is a bit macabre.
But it really was my favorite thing to do, aside from giving myself fake homework assignments.
I would lay in bed real still, with the blankets pulled up just above my waste but below my chest. The sheet would be folded over the top of the blanket just like they do at the hospital. And I would lay with my arms straight at my sides. I closed my eyes and tried to look serene.
Sometimes I was in a coma and I could hear everything around me. I would overhear people talking about how amazing I was and how much they loved me. During this scenario, I normally imagined my crush of the moment confessing his love and then later I would wake up and we would fall in love.
Sometimes when I was fighting with my friends, I would imagine I was in a coma and they came to my hospital bed to apologize for their behavior. Then they would tell me how amazing I was and how much they loved me and how I was their favorite. And I would wake up and forgive them.
Sometimes I wasn't unconscious, but in a lot of pain. And then one of the above scenarios would play out.
I really was an odd child.
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