Yeah, you are right, it does suck nothing is cheap. If we are going under, you better pay full price baby. This ain't double coupon day.
We've been playing awesome random music on the overhead, though today's Janet Jackson CD made me feel like I was in Macy's. A little too hip for the nerds.
Several times today I said "If that wasn't so funny, I'd cry."
It was mostly in reference to the loss of dignity the store experienced over the past few days. Everything feels tired and old. Suddenly we've aged and we can't make it to the bathroom without an accident. We are skipping retirement and going straight to the grave.
How many other old-ager analogies can I make?
The real kick to the pride happened when a woman came strolling through the door with a shopping cart.
Wait up. Reverse. Kick it back.
A shopping cart.
Our mall looks like this:
You don't roll no shopping cart through the a mall like this. We ain't no Safeway. We ain't Piggly Wiggly. We have a goddamn Sak's Fifth Avenue and a Crate and Barrel. Have a little dignity, my friend!
AM asked the lady to kindly remove the cart from the store. Which she did. Though she conveniently left it out front where another customer later pulled the same Class A move.
At that point, I volunteered to relocate the cart back to the Storables store it came from.
Which is how it happened that me, a self-proclaimed hobo, rolled a shopping cart through the mall.
Actually, that picture isn't accurate. I would never wear stretchy pants to work. I don't believe in stretchy pants (you might refer to them as sweat pants). Stretchy pants are that article of clothing you put on when you want to fall asleep on the toilet. I don't poop, therefore I need no stretchy pants.
I spent most of my day putting out bargain books. These are books that once cost a lot of money then never sold and were sent back to the publisher and then re-purchased months later at a 90% discount, only to be put back in the store for 1/4 of the original list price.
This all could have been avoided if the publisher hadn't priced them so high in the first place. Or if the publisher hadn't believed The Situation was going to be a #1 bestseller.
I set the bargain area up in the area we used to have a cafe. At first I was really into it. I started making jokes about it being Bry's Bargain Bookshop.
I was going to get a visor and a candy-striped vest and an old timey cash register that clinged and clanged when I pushed the buttons, one with a crank to total the sale.
But then it started to look like a terrible yard sale. Maybe a flea market. And then, worse still, a swap meet.
Eventually, I felt I was metaphorically opening up the trunk of my car to sell hot goods.
Basically, I turned this:
into this:
At that point, I reached the brink. I could stand no more. Thank God it was 3pm and I was out of there.
And now, I gotta go see about a girl.
Do me a favor, send your local bookstore a basket of muffins. Or at the very least, a kind thought.
And for the love of god, DO NOT EVER TAKE A SHOPPING CART INTO A BOOKSTORE.
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