Post-Rapture Looting and more liquidation fun.

I've been joking around about the post-rapture looting that has been going on at work. Customers are behaving like wild pigs, rooting around and making messes before moving on to find a new truffle. In their wake they leave empty coffee cups and rejected books.

 

I just googled post-rapture looting in order to find out what that date was that we were all supposed to die. Something in May, right?

 

The first website to come up was a website called After the Rapture Pet Care, aftertherapturepetcare.com.

 

As far as I can tell, I can't actually fully read the website because it makes me giggle and I can't concentrate on the content, the owners of the site/company will have found volunteers from the hordes of non-believers to stay behind to care for your pet. So when the Christians are whisked to heaven, an Atheist will still be here to care for your pet.

 

Apparently, they don't think little Spot or Jo-Jo cares if his new owner doesn't go to church and thinks God doesn't exist.

 

The makers of the site say in the FAQ section that they are not kidding. HAH!

 

This site doesn't make me laugh because of religious reasons. Believe or don't believe, I don't care.

 

This site makes me laugh because 1) apparently animals are heathens and won't go to heaven, and 2) there is a video! Check out the video! I can't link to the site because I'm writing this on my cell phone, but the video is freaking hilarious. Lots of pictures of animals looking skyward and looking sad.

 

Upon further reflection, I realize this is all probably old news and you already have your post-rapture pet care figured out.

 

Anyways.

 

I really meant this blog to be about work. But I lost my train of thought. Here are some things work related, lest you think I've stopped caring about our Going Out of Business (GOB) sale. See! We already have an acronym to cover up our pain!

 

The GOB sale is full of FUN. That is an acronym for Freaking Unbelievable Neanderthals.

 

Yesterday I answered the phone and a dude said "Yeah, this is Frank from Barnes and Nobles and I just have to say HAHAHAHAHA You guys a going out of business."

 

Never has a phone been placed in its cradle with such force and disgust.

 

Is there a Frank?  Probably not. Frank is a made up name. I know no Franks.

 

I'm also coming around to see the humor (before it was anger) in the disgusted customers after I say "No I can't look a book up for you. I don't have a computer"  and also the looks on their faces when they realize they are barely getting a discount.

 

True story. These people could have saved more before the liquidation by being a Rewards member.

 

Here is a little FAQ sheet I made up just now to help our customers (or possibly you!) through this difficult time. These are our most asked questions:

 

How long is this sale going on?  I don't know for sure. 4-6 weeks.

 

How much is this item I found on the floor underneath other piles of crap? I don't know.

 

When will things all be 40% off? I don't know.

 

Can I return this? No

 

Do you have more of this? No

 

What are you going to do after the store closes? I don't know.

 

Do you think E-readers are responsible for this? No

 

Can I write a check? No

 

Will you take this coupon? No

 

 

It's actually very easy to help customers now!

 

I am amazed at how many people just want to hang out in the store. Yesterday we moved all of our chairs to the window area and turned them upside down. Customers just flipped them back and took a seat. 

 

We don't want people lounging around the store now because they leave piles of crap sitting around. We are not no longer in browse mode.

 

It's not personal, it's business.

 

Go to the mattresses.