I'm doing a Fantasy Football league. Can I be Sporty Spice?

I recently agreed to participate in a Fantasy Football league for this upcoming season. We do a live draft one week from today to pick our players.

 

That means I have one week to research football players that cannot be read about in People magazine; seen on reality shows, such as the Kardashians and Dancing with the Stars; or those publicly shamed on TMZ, Perez Hilton, and the Ridiculist.

 

It is like homework!

 

There was actually a time when I knew a little bit about football. I used to have a bunch of football collector cards and for some reason I liked the Detroit Lions. (I really should look into who the hottest Detroit Lion player was circa 1990-1992).

 

I kinda followed the Raiders (thanks to my brother MH, as well as JY and MY) and once upon a time I was known to watch games every Sunday.

 

Then a lot happened.

 

I grew breasts.

 

Okay. That was all that happened.

 

I get bored by things where people just stand around. This is why I don't like lines, shopping, and midnight movie releases.

 

As for football, even though the players move up and down the field a lot, there are so many breaks in play due to infractions, time-outs, and injuries that I start to wish I had a book to read.

 

I've already read the Wikipedia page about fantasy football and I sort of thought about buying Fantasy Football for Dummies, but it only explains HOW the system works, it doesn't tell me who I want on my team.

 

The whole concept is very confusing. If you are a fantasy football player and you would like to offer me some inside advice, please do so.

 

I'm fully committed to playing out the season no matter how crappy I am at the whole thing.  BP is in charge and in addition to the inventory crew at work, he also recruited our FedEx and UPS delivery drivers.

 

I'm actually looking forward to fantasy football. Because:

 

1. Kinda like having a project. I like projects. Right now I'm growing my hair out, that was my summer project. Summer is almost over, time for a new project.

 

2. I'm super competitive. Very competitive. Kinda really competitive.

 

3. It will give me a reason to stay in touch with people from the store that I might not hear from after we close for good.

 

So just in case you don't hear from me much this fall, blame fantasy football. Or my unemployment. Probably just the football, though.