Your plucky heroine gets snark(ier).

A lot of customers at the store have been asking personal questions.

What are you going to do now?
Do you have a job?
Are you worried?
Do you have a backup plan?
Will you be able to live off unemployment?

They usually add a "The economy sucks, good luck!" for good measure before they leave the store with crap they are buying just because it is on sale.

I decided yesterday to start answering these questions like so:

"I'm not sure what I'll do next, but my parole office has some ideas."
"My blackjack career is really taking off."
"I'm looking into selling my eggs."
"Don't worry, you can find me on Craigslist, but I'll be selling something more expensive than books."

The same people who ask such terrible questions are the same people who would dare touch a pregnant stranger's belly. The kind of people who sample all the jelly beans before buying.

I fully believe the only appropriate time to ask "What are you doing next" is when they follow it up with "I have a job opportunity for you, one that doesn't involve a pyramid scheme."

Oh yes. The vultures are here to con the naive into taking jobs selling Amway or Prepaid Legal or calling cards.



Yesterday I took a call from a woman who was actually asking for EFB and when I explained EFB was not available, and no I wouldn't give out her schedule, she explained that she previously talked to EFB about hiring some of our employees. But she was really shady.

Lady: I'm looking to hire a smart and hard working person.

Me: Okay. We employee a lot of those types of people.

Lady: Can you give me a name? Or give them my name?
Me: What exactly is this business opportunity? It would be helpful if I could tell the employee what exactly it is they would be doing?

Lady: Well I can explain it to them.

Me: And I think they would want to know what they are calling about.

We had this circular conversation until she agreed to email me a flyer about the job opportunity, an email she never sent.

She may have been perfectly legit, but if you refuse to tell me what this job is you want to hire someone for, then I can only assume you are a serial killer, and a terrible serial killer at best.

If Criminal Minds has taught me nothing, it is that successful serial killers are charming and friendly. That's how they get their prey.