How is it I spent most of the evening laying on the couch with a blanket over my head, trying not to puke from the intense headache I've been suffering from all day, and yet right now, when I should be getting ready for bed since I have to work early(ish), I'm headache free(ish) and wide awake with no plans for sleep.

Did you ever have one of those weeks were everything you thought you knew turned out be to be wrong?

I had my first hint of spring today when NH and I sat near the Willamette River making flower-chain crowns and talking about Buddhist funerals, while the breeze brushed our hair and I got a sunburn on my cheeks.

I find myself with a lot of time on my hands.

Suddenly single, suddenly driving, suddenly searching for something to fill the time. And finding it!

I kind of like this spontaneity I'm experiencing.

And I'm ready for a grand adventure.

Grand.

In other news, confidentially to CH, I love you the mostest.

If there were a way to change my Single status on Facebook to Single with a Vengeance, I would do it.

 

I'm fighting the urge to tell you what happened, but just know this, I met a man in an elevator today who knew exactly what he wanted. And I found myself wishing I were as lucky as he

 

Today I am wearing a long flowing dress that looks like it belongs at a beach party, made for tan shoulders, paired with big sun glasses and a mojito in my hand.

 

Instead, I'm wearing a dirty grandpa sweater over it. "Nice dress," JG told me today.

 

"J, I'm wearing this dress because its the closest thing to pajamas I own that would also be appropriate for work."

 

My Pajama Jeans haven't come in the mail.

 

So despite my resolve and conviction in reentering the land of the spinsters, I find that the idea of breaking up is not as easy as I thought it would be. It still makes me sad.

 

So sad that a fucking Maroon 5 song sent me over the edge in the car the other day. Maroon 5!

 

So sad that I'm convinced the wine staff at Trader Joe's is ready and willing to sponsor me at AA.

 

So pathetic, I watched Pride & Prejudice in Spanish with French subtitles because I couldn't fix the remote.

 

I like to think I am a concrete rose, delicate in appearance but solid in substance. My rain boots are ballet slippers, my stumbles and tumbles are pirouettes.

Am I not the funniest person you know? Is my laugh not as loud as one hundred honking geese about to take flight, their wings flapping like the beat of a bass drum.

Sometimes on my walks, I pick up small pebbles and hold them in my clenched fist, the smooth pieces leaving marks in my palms. Each impression is like the remnants of tea in the bottom of a stoneware mug.

I will carry all the  pebbles in my pocket and at first sight of a pond, I will chuck them one by one into the water.  The ripples will spread and then fade and I will say a silent prayer.

Bless this bliss, bless the love, and bless the thousand stars spread at my feet.