Things I am Eminently Qualified to Do: What My Resume Won't Tell You

What my resume WILL tell you:

my name, address and phone number.
a series of jobs I've held
my education
my references (upon request)

What my resume WILL NOT tell you:

I got skillz. mad skillz.

prolific reader
scrabble lover
bingo caller
mediocre knitter
postmortem care giver
pig groomer
aebleskiver chef
walker
lover of Jane Austen
laugher
not-a-crier
gut buster
driver
daughter
friend
babysitter
beach comber
organizer
patriot
spreadsheet whore
amateur detective
bossy-pants-in-chief
creative crafter
dog walker


Yes I have awesome computer and customer service skills. I can supervise. I can project lead.

But more importantly....

I will always have a book recommendation.
I'm a celebrity news hound.
I will set up a Pandora station that will knock your socks off.
I will organize office parties.
I will gladly happy hour.
I will be your Barney Stinson.
I will bake you brownies and brew you coffee.
I have the world's cutest dog.
I can make a diorama out of rulers and paperclips.
I can dance a jig, cook a fig and light your cig.

Oh please, please, I want to find a fun job that let's me be me.