Butts, Books, Battlestar Galactica.

I went to the river last weekend. It was a mad house. It took forever to park the car and then forever to figure out exactly where to go to get to the river (hint: down the steep bank through the prickly bushes). But the time spent sitting on the bank, though sandwiched in between a bunch of drunks and loud people, was blissful.

And because Portland is Portland, at one point a man in a straw hat went floating by in an inner tube, playing his ukulele.

Speaking of weirdos, yesterday I had to explain to IK that you cannot put quarters in your "coin slot."

When faced with explaining why you can't put things in your butt, the only logical thing I could think of to say was, "Would you want me to put your Transformer in my butt?"

I was crossing my fingers thinking, please don't say yes. Luckily he did not say yes and hopefully he doesn't have weird dreams about Transformers because of me.

Yesterday at the bookstore a woman shouted at me from across the store. "Where are there more Nora Roberts books?"

"Aisle 118," I told her.

I was at the register so a few minutes later she came through my line.

"I just love Nora Roberts."
"Yes, she's great," I responded.
"It is hard for an old lady like me to read because my mind wanders and I forget where I was on the page."
I nod sympathetically.
"But I read her book I Remember Nothing and I loved it."
"Oh good. Well I hope you enjoy this."

As the woman walked away, I realize I Remember Nothing is a non-fiction book by Nora Ephron, the director, writer, essayist. This woman is taking home a romance novel with lots of sex in it.

I hope she has good dreams.

Later, a hot dude came through with a Battlestar Galactica book. He asked if I've ever seen the show.

"Uh. No."
"You should watch it. It's great. I watched like 12 hours of it yesterday."
"Uh huh."
"I'm serious. It really parallels things happening in our world today."
"Uh huh."

Sorry hot dude. I'm not watching that show.

"The female characters kick butt."
"Yes. But are there aliens?
"Mmmmm. Well. Robots."
"Uh uh. Gross. That is worse," I say.
"What!?"
"I don't want to have bad dreams about robots or aliens. That is why I steer clear of the entire Science Fiction genre."
"You are missing out on so much," he says as he walks away.

Uh. I doubt it.