Old Bry looks nothing like New Bry, still acts the same.

The first thing I do when I wake up is reach for my phone to check my email. 

I've recently become obsessed with The Plaid Barn. Every day, The Plaid Barn posts one craft related item at a huge discount. They only sell one thing at a time and it is different every day. The posts go live on the east coast at 8am which means, depending on the item, it could be sold out by the time I wake up at 8am PST. 

And while I search for the day's deal, I get to wade through at least twenty junk emails. Like the one pictured below. 

While I realize it is the work of a complex set of algorithms and subtly planted cookies that Amazon knows to email me such things, it is more fun to imagine I'm on the their internal list of spinster customers.

I shudder to think of the things they would send me if I really did have cats. 

What Amazon doesn't know is that while I did Google search "pet strollers,"  it was so I could post a picture of one on Facebook as an example of what "rock bottom" is in pet ownership. Or at least that is what I keep telling myself. 

Truth is, I've always had a great love for pets. Here is some photographic evidence from my youth.

Two dogs, Mickey the wiener and Andy the poodle. I'm going to start a band called Poodles and Wieners. Or a burlesque show. I can't decide.

I always used to say "where is that picture of me double fisting two dogs?" until I realized that double fisting is something else. Please do yourself a favor and do not Google "double fisting." You can thank me later.

Clearly I have not out grown the double dog duty. There is Mondo and his frenemy, Rocky "The Rock" Johnson.

I realize that while I'm babbling on about dogs and double fisting, you are more concerned with the glasses I wore as a ten year-old. 

Take a look. Take it all in. This is Bry Hoeg at her best. I'm a dude.

Or how about this one? Classic. Don't be jealous. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

Our Own Private Stand By Me.

This is by far one of my most favorite pictures of my two brothers and I.

That exquisite creature on the right, showing gang colors with a bandanna around her head, is me. To my immediate left is my brother MH and in front of us, with his head on our beloved (and clearly exhausted) dog Annie, is my oldest brother JH. This picture was taken by our mother CH during our very first ever hiking trip, into the wilderness of Blodgett Canyon. It was the summer of 1992 and I was 11.

I would also like to point out that I'm wearing boxer shorts, which I hiked in for days, and that you can clearly see the skin of my belly through the gap in the crotch of the shorts. I can neither confirm nor deny if I was wearing underwear beneath the boxers.

Here is another picture from the same trip. Though I'm looking away from the camera in this shot, you can still get the full effect of my tomboyness.

I'm breathtaking.

Speaking of breathtaking, apparently there is some story about me farting a lot in the tent one night and CB made me cry. I don't remember this. I'm sure I blocked it out as 1) farting is gross, and 2) I don't cry that often because there is something wrong with my heart and my tear ducts.

I recently gained access to a scanner so you can look forward to lots of old pictures of Bry Hoeg and learn more about my coming of age.

Like, for example, how I used to be cross-eyed and looked like Jesse Eisenberg.

And a complete series of pictures where my belly is sticking out.

Gird your loins. You are about to get to know me.