Hair! It's What's For Breakfast

I just cut my own hair.

RELAX.

It is not a repeat of this.

My hair is now long enough to see the ends of, which led me to believe I could just snip the ends off without the assistance of a professional. Don't worry, it was as successful as cutting your own hair can be, maybe slightly more successful than your average self-cut.

As I was cutting my hair, Mondo stood under me eating the snippets as they fell to the floor.

Here is a list of things I've watched Mondo eat that caused me worry:

1. straight pins
2. underwear (not mine, pick your underwear up off the floor, yo!)
3. my toothbrush
4. plastic army men
5. a calcium bone
6. a plastic to-go cup
7. popsicle sticks
8. paint brushes

Here is a list of things I've watched Mondo eat that don't worry me:

1. my hair

I mean, come on, he licks his own balls. He licks Seeley. He licks Seeley's lady balls. Eating my hair off the floor can't hurt him.

I cut my own hair because I'm a hobo, obviously, and also because it is starting to get really gross looking. I realized I either need to invest in some cases of dry shampoo or consider cutting it all off because it always looks dirty when it is hot out.

But I don't want to cut it off!

I was just going to say "I'm going to grow it really long like a real life Rapunzel."

But then I saw this:

And I kind of want to puke. This lady is Xie Qiuping and she is the World Record holder for longest hair. I'm sure she is a lovely woman. But that is gross and scary.

Someone please slap me before I let myself do this. Sneak into my room late at night and cut it all off.

Please and thank you in advance.